


Corny Jokes

by Syrena_of_the_lake



Category: Maleficent (2014)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-28
Updated: 2015-03-28
Packaged: 2018-03-20 01:53:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3632217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Syrena_of_the_lake/pseuds/Syrena_of_the_lake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Feet are troublesome things, and Diaval keeps tripping over them - metaphorically and literally. A brief moment of banter between Raven and Mistress, inspired (believe it or not) by a line from King Kong vs. Godzilla. Silliness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Corny Jokes

_"My corns always hurt when they're near a monster." - Furue, King Kong vs. Godzilla (1962)_

 

Even as Diaval landed, Maleficent could see he was inordinately pleased about something. His feathers were all fluffed, and he hopped along like he could barely stay tethered to the ground. She decided to indulge him. It could be amusing, after all. "Report," she said, transforming him with a languid wave of her hand.

"The villagers are convinced you will visit them in the night to carry off their firstborn," he rushed through the first bit of news. Maleficent arched an eyebrow, and Diaval flapped a hand. "Idiots, I know. But they are even more convinced that you are actually living in the town. Several claim to have seen you," he chortled, "skulking around the woodpiles!"

Maleficent rolled her eyes. "Fools," she muttered.

"Oh, but that's not all. There is more evidence – incontrovertible proof, as it were." Diaval rocked back and forth on his heels. "The village spinster, a knotty old hag who looks just like the old willow – you know, the one with the lightning scar? – well she swears you must be hiding in her attic. Ask me why."

Maleficent hid a smile. "Very well. Tell me why the old lunatic believes I have made my lair in her attic."

"Because, and I quote, her corns always hurt when a monster is near, and the past fortnight she's hardly been able to walk three steps!"

Mystified, the fairy queen stared. "Her _corn_ hurts? Does she have magic, to feel the pain of plants?"

Diaval wilted a little at her reaction. A joke was no good if one had to explain it. "Uh, no, Mistress. She has corns. Like calluses, only painful. On her feet. From walking too much?"

With a sigh, Maleficent rose to her feet. "Come, Diaval. I will fetch you a salve. The next time you go snooping around the village, leave it for the old woman and her corn."

"Corns. It's plural." Diaval's mouth snapped shut almost immediately – too late, as usual – but Maleficent never broke stride as she responded.

"Then you may have to make multiple trips. With a satchel. I'm sure the Beastie would attempt to make you something suitable. Surely the witless pixies have bolts of garish pink cloth."

Dutifully following at her heels, Diaval grinned. Skies, but he loved it when she was in a playful mood. "Maybe she could make you a matching cloak, Mistress."

Maleficent hummed in reply. "Trimmed with feathers?"

"From yours truly. Only the best for my Mistress," Diaval said with a bow, neatly avoiding a root in the path. He was really getting the hang of these feet, he thought proudly.

"Not a bad idea," mused Maleficent, trying not to smile. "I must admit, it might be fun to… pluck you." Diaval promptly stumbled over a rock. Maleficent smiled at him sweetly. "Poor little bird, do you need some salve for your foot?" Wisely, the Raven kept silent for once. He was rewarded with an actual laugh – and for that, Diaval thought to himself, he would suffer more than a few indignities and stubbed toes. 


End file.
